A note I scribbled more than 2 years ago but forgot to
complete or post. Its never too late to post, is it? Nevertheless, here it is.
Grateful or Vain
The sense that enveloped me as I disconnected the call from
the son from an airport across the planet just after midnight was one of
gratefulness. It is only the apprehension of sounding vain that prevents me
from adding ‘humble’ to that. It took quite some time to fall asleep again as
the awakened mind kept wandering off into several things that could have gone
wrong in the last several years while the son completed his education and made
it clear that he had no interest in plodding on further just to match my poorly
hidden ambitions for him.
I, of course, do not
mean that I’ve been lucky to have survived without being rammed by a Japanese
or a Korean SUV on the Ring Road or knocked off my feet by an
adrenaline-blinded youth trying out wheelies on his fancy motorbike, as a
friend was, more than a decade ago. Another school mate that killed himself
from depression out of depravity made worse by excessive smoking and
consumption that ironically, he sought refuge in to wish away his troubles, did
come to mind, but not because I felt more fortunate.
It was gratefulness because, a 25 year-old, into a decent
job in the land of opportunity, saw it fit to plan and call his old man, just
at the stroke of midnight, while travelling in a time zone more than 12 hours
behind. More so, as the picture of the 2 year-old that tried to keep pace with
me walking on the solitary sands of the sea front in Minicoy island 23 years
ago, was what was in front of the closed eyes, as I listened to the voice of
this young man wishing me on another birthday. Well, for one thing, that is something
I never did to my father, not that he ever expected me to. On the contrary, it
was my father who organised a very special program when I hit 50 – he and the
sister got my Guru playing Veena to a gathering of all the dear uncles, aunts
and cousins! That should be sufficient
for any to agree that gratefulness is very much in order.
The tight hug and loud loving wishes in the morning of the
little one, well, not so little at 16, did not leave me the mind space to have
any feeling. I had to react, and respond in equal measure immediately, as
otherwise she would have a go at the countable follicles on sides of the top.
Lady luck hasn’t forgotten me was the thought a little later!
As it turned out, it wasn’t the only thing to leave me
humbled. Getting wished warmly by the
better-half, tired and resigned to her fate to tolerate all the idiosyncrasies
of the man and yet finding it within her to wish the same man lovingly, is no
less a fortune.
Numerous calls, hundreds of messages, even a few handwritten
notes, from siblings, friends, cousins, acquaintances, even people who haven’t
seen me nor Have I them, through the day, was more than enough to generate
enough vanity. But honestly, feeling important and vain was surely blown over
by the strong sense of gratitude.
Not a bad day to have spent, not at all.
